Dreaming of a White Thanksgiving - Anchorage Adventure 2011

Seward's Folly

Alaska Grown hoodie + AK Native (not me).
{This is synonomous with Stoner, FYI world.}

As I was sitting on the plane from Chicago to Seattle - the 2nd of 3 flights that would bring me home to Anchorage - a young girl sitting across the aisle from me smiled at me.  When I smiled back, she said "You're from Alaska aren't you?"  I stared at her for a second, wondering if she were some sort of gypsy fortune teller.  I was not wearing my ubiquitous Alaska Grown hoodie, or any other identifiers.  In fact, the only thing I was wearing that said anything was a Brooklyn Brewery hat.  I didn't have smoked salmon snacks with me or anything like that.  Shocked, I said "Yeah.  How can you tell?"  She told me that she could just tell because she was an Alaska girl too (and apparently a psychic one).  This nice young lady named Sarah was from North Pole - yes, where Santa lives - and had been away at college.  I told her it was good to know that after living on the East Coast for over 8 years, I still looked Alaskan.  Thanks!

When I got to the airport in Anchorage I immediately began putting layers on.  Six degrees and six feet of snow.  Just the way I remembered it.  The first thing my dad said to me was "Welcome to Seward's Folly!"  True enough, but the stunning beauty of the mountains makes it all worthwhile.

View of Anchorage at Sunset with "Sleeping Lady" - Mt. Susitna, the one with the tits - on the right.
Photo by my Dad.

So here's where I should add my disclaimer before you get all misty about Alaska: do not go there in the winter.  Okay sure, if you have to for work, or if you loooooove snowboarding, great, but otherwise I would not recommend it.  Especially if you suffer from Seasonal Effective Disorder (SAD) or have even slight "winter blues" or mood swings.  Those hormonal changes that occur from not enough vitamin D can make you sad in a normal state.  In Alaska they can make you go absolutely fucking crazy.  Just visit in the summer when you can enjoy hikes and bears, and may even get to wear shorts.  Hell, if you go to Fairbanks you might even get a tan!  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_Alaska

You might be wondering what to do in Alaska in the winter then.  I have some advice:
1.) Go outside & do something while it is still light out.
     Granted, this may mean before 2pm, but it's do-able depending on how much you follow number 2...
2.) Drink when it gets dark.
     This helps, really.  Or it does me anyway.  I think.  Aw, Hell it's hard not too when it's so damn dark!
3.) Stay warm & be with people at night.
     Bumping & grinding optional, but preferable if you have the choice.  ;-)
4.) Smoke pot if you are so inclined.
     It's a reeeeallly common pastime in AK - they'll think you're a local!
5.)* For the love of God, get a hobby.
    * This one is applicable to those that are there for more than 2 weeks of winter as I was.

By the time I got back to Anchorage it had been 2 years since I was home, and a full 5 since I had been home in the winter.  It was nice that although much had changed... nothing had really changed.  I definitely partook in all of the above directives, and got to spend some amazing quality time with my family.  Unfortunately, since I had a knee surgery less than a year ago (I DO NOT recommend tearing your meniscus), I wasn't able to go skiing, but I did go snowshoeing a few times.  Or "Snow-ma-shoeing," as I like to call it.

Snow-Ma-Shoeing!

My parents & I on Thanksgiving Day, making room for more food.

Me, My best friend Greer, and her supercute Akita, Kuma.

Kuma LOVES the snow!  And I love him!

Me & some trees.
Trying to look sexy despite the fact that I have approx. 40 layers on.

Thanksgiving & Stuff

 It was snowing on Thanksgiving Day, and my parents & I went out with my friend Greer & her dog that I was unable to find a way to kidnap & bring back with me to the Northeast.  Oh, well.  And then, after a hilarious marathon cooking session by my Mom & I, we ate, drank and made merry.  It was my first Thanksgiving with my family in about 10 years, so it was pretty fun.  That day also happened to be my Dad's birthday, so we stuck some candles in a pie for him.  :-)

Alaskan Wine Chiller

This is what a post-turkey food coma looks like.
My brother Ian & his girlfriend Beckie.

The Birthday Boy, a pumpkin pie & a DeWalt table saw.
...really hastily and shittily wrapped by yours truly.

Wildlife

Every time I have been back to Alaska for more than a week, I see some quality wildlife, and this trip was no exception.  I saw a mother moose & her calf grazing... but they were on the wrong side of Northern Lights Boulevard & I was driving, so I couldn't get a decent photo.  I also saw a bald eagle up on hillside as I was taking in the view from a friend's house... but it flew away before I could take a picture.  Bald Bastard.  So, here is the wildlife that I was able to capture:

Mr. Friskers.  He lives in my Uncle's shed.  :-)
He will take peanuts from your hand.  Or mouth, but that's a little weird.

Two fantastic salmon filets.  One of my favorite things about coming home!
The top one has a spicy jerk rub, and the bottom is lemon garlic butter.  YUM!
Caught in the summer & enjoyed year-round.  Price per pound - free.  Suck it, Lower 48!

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

I was keen to go to my family's cabin in Hope, a 2 hour drive from Anchorage.  In the summer there are good spots to fish, and the wood stove will keep you nice and warm.  In the winter, you have several grueling hours of snowblowing and shoveling to content with, just to get in the door, let alone make the place habitable.  Since we had enough to do in the city, and a "severe blizzard" was in the forecast for all of Southeast Alaska, we decided to stay put.

Our cabin & sauna in winter.  Photo by my Dad earlier in the season.

Instead, on one of they days we would have been gone, my Mom & I took a trip up to the hillside, a posh part of Anchorage with stunning views, to call on our friend Joe Connolly.  Joe took wedding photos for my husband & I during our Alaskan nuptials 3 years ago, then for my older brother & his bride 2 years ago (the last time I was in AK), and he is just as amazing photographer.  You can check out his work here: http://chugachpeaks.com/  Joe has now firmly established himself as the literal King of the Mountain.  We drove up some super-precarious slopes to get to his place, and it was worth it!  The first thing he asked when giving us directions was "Do you have studs on your tires, or chains?  Four-wheel drive?"

Not a bad view on the drive up.

This street name is the understatement of the century.

I juuuuust missed the bald eagle.  Motherfucker.  Can I interest anyone in a raven?  No?
 ...They roost up here.  Still not interested?  Okay.  You had to be there.

Joe justifies living this far up by the fact that he is still only 15 minutes away from Fred Meyer.  Win!
Wish I could say the same, Joe.

Despite the fact that it's 237 miles away, on a clear day you can see Denali (Mt. McKinley).  Yeah, it's big.

See that teeny, tiny city way down there?  That's Anchorage!  (Actual size.)

Beautiful Wild Roses of Alaska

Another highlight of my trip was getting to meet my best friend's baby for the first time.  Sarah Rose & I (Laura Rose) have been friends since the moment we met, and the same was true for me & her baby, Emily Rose.  Em was a premie & super, super small, but very spunky & insanely adorable.  Sarah named me her Godmother, and I could not be more honored.  I even changed a diaper.  You're welcome, baby!  Now get a job.  I kid, I kid.

All bundled up to brace the cold.

Mom & baby & beer.  Love it!

Only she could make deer-in-the-headlights this adorable!

Adventures in Drinking!

Okay, Snow-ma-shoeing, babies, Thanksgiving, etc... now for the fun part!  Adventures in drinking!  Now I'm not one to punish my liver on an extreme, AND daily basis... unless I am on vacation.  In Alaska.  In Winter.  My thoughts, such as they were, went along the lines of 'Hmm, it's 2pm and it's dark out.  I have nowhere to be.  I need a drink.'  And so it goes.  The best/worst nights of my life in Alaska have all started at The Whaler.  This seedy, horrible dive bar is home to "Pull Tabs," (Alaska's answer to lottery tickets), HARDCORE alcoholics, degenerates, sketchy military guys (Anchorage has 2 military bases right near here), the single worst "DJ" on earth, and the most amazing alcoholic beverage known to man.  It is called "The Clam."  You need at least 4 people to order it because there are 6 or more people's worth of booze in there.  They drop in some of everything: rum, gin, vodka, whiskey, triple sec, and God knows what else; add a splash of juice and some fruit and you're good to go.  Oh yeah, and they have floating sugar cubes soaked in 151 that they set ablaze before they serve it to you!  Enjoy!

THIS is how you start a night out, my friends!

When you are the Lush that I am and actually enjoy drinking your weight in sugary booze, you love The Whaler, and you especially love The Clam.  I have now made it a verb & will actually tell my friends, God bless them, "Let's go get clammed!"  They do not argue because they normally only see my ass once every few years.  On this particular evening, after we had slammed a clam (I was already drunk, having pre-gamed at my parents' house a bit too), we were ready to roll on to the next, more savory spot.  But no!  The "DJ," DJ Pineapple (no, I'm not kidding, that's really the name that he gave himself), came over to introduce himself, ask if we had any requests, and cajole us over to the dance floor to join the two drunk, half-naked native chicks.  Then, seeing we had finished our Clam, asked us "Are you guys gonna get another one?"  To which I of course replied "You buying?"  He said "Yeah sure, I'll buy your next Clam!  Where else but at The Whaler?  Who else but DJ Pineapple would buy you all a drink?"  Picture all this with a cheesy Vegas showman accent, by the way.  I was trying so hard not to laugh because I didn't want to ruin our accidental free drink!  Our waitress came back with the free Clam, which we also downed (there were 5 of us)... and I remember less and less from that point on.

I do however remember waking up the next day with a hangover so wretched that I actually ate McDonald's for the first time in years.  Fucking McDonald's!  Oh, and I got in trouble with the husband for not calling to check in while super-inebriated the night before because my cell phone was dead.  Beware The Clam!!!  Consider yourself warned.

On occasion, Alaska will surprise you.  Not with the stunning views, which are eternally magnificent, but with something more cosmopolitan.  Like seeing The Crystal Method at Chilkoot Charlie's.  Yes, at Koot's, a place only better than The Whaler because it is much, much, much bigger.  I went, I danced, I conquered!
Crystal Method was one of the first groups to introduce me to electronic music, "back in the day."  I have been a huge fan of the genre ever since, and though I would not consider them my favorite DJ group, they are fucking legends that I have been wanting to see for years.  And they killed it. -- As did Ross Young, a resident DJ in Anchorage who originally hails from the UK.  So good to dance & let some stress out!

The Crystal Method at Koot's, with a great set.

Other Random Adventures

Believe it or not though, I was not drunk or hungover the whole time I was in Alaska.  I got in another good Snow-ma-shoe with my parents, went out to eat a time or two, did some Christmas shopping & just hung out like wet clothes.

Me & Greer out for drinks downtown my 1st night home.

Greer showing off her dog.  Or Kuma showing off his owner.
Not sure which, but they're both freaking cute!

My brother Ian's truck, with a little bit of snow on it.

A Sydney Laurence painting at the Anchorage Museum that my Mom & I were drooling over.
If anyone wants to steal me this next Christmas...

Halibut sandwich on sourdough with tasty Alaskan beer.
Salivating just thinking about it.

Lunch with my Favorite Uncle John at a new spot in Eagle River (just outside of Anchorage):
the Eagle River Ale House.  Worth checking out for the tap selection alone!

Breakfast with Greer at the Middle Way Cafe in Midtown Anchorage.
So yummy!  And good coffee too - check them out!

Our super cute dog Sadie, who had a stroke a few weeks before I came to town.
:-(  She's doing better, but she's old.  Good to spend some time with her.
By the way, her middle name is Rose.

Mom & I digging into tasty Alaska salmon!
Oh, and my Mom's middle name is Rose too!

Snow-Ma-Shoe Part Two

My gloves with the city in the background.  I don't know why, but I love this.

The Bartlett HS Hockey hat belongs to my brother Joel.  Thanks, dude!

My mom is the worst/most hilarious video camera operator ever.

This was like the 5th take.

If I sound exasperated, I am.

BEER!  (And Other Valid Hobbies)

I also got to meet & spend time with some of the new men in my friends' lives.  My friend Andrea just got engaged to her man Kiril - CONGRATS!  He is a total sweetheart & I am very happy for them.  And I met Matt, my friend Kat's boyfriend, for the first time.  They were both cool & I definitely approve, but my Dad - being the beer lover that he is - REALLY loved this guy:

Brewmaster Matt at home with his taps.

Labors of delicious love.

Look at all those hops!  It's like beer porn!

Yes, that does say Mint Chocolate Stout, and no, you can't have any.
Neither could I - it wasn't ready until after I left.  *Tears.

I just love dogs too much not to include this photo.
I don't even remember his name, but I love him.
Boy, that sounds strange.

One thing that was fun for me was going to craft night at my friend Erin's house.  Like I said, when you live in Alaska, hobbies are important!  I went twice while I was there & made some kick-ass items, which worked out nicely since I could not afford to buy my friends anything for Christmas.  Probably because I spent too much on drinking, but that's neither here nor there...

More Great Views of My Cold, Cold-Hearted State

My flight into town.

The Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport

This guy is on a bike, on ice.  Woah.

The Chugach Mountain Range that surrounds Anchorage

These views were not taken from the main airport...

...but from Lake Hood...

...which is the busiest Seaplane base in the world.

You're not a baller until you've been in a Seaplane.

I'll Be Back (Yes, That's a Threat)

Even though I felt entitled to bitch about suffering through a mere two weeks of winter there, the truth is, I miss Alaska.  A lot.  I really do.  Whining about the weather was a mere defense mechanism so that when I returned to my snowless, stupid state, I wouldn't be as bummed to be there as I was to have been in the land of miserable darkness.  Life's funny that way, huh?  But I can always take solace in the fact that my parents are there for the long-haul, and that it will always feel like home when I go back.  I just wish I could afford to do it more.  

For all the friends & family that I visited but did not post about, my bad.  You know who you are, and thanks for your time.  EVERYone back home: I seriously miss you.  To my best friend Seth in Seattle, who I swung by to see in a day on my way back East, you deserve your own post.  Because it's after 5 in the morning & no one is going to read this far into my ramblings anyway, except maybe my Mom.

And if there are any non-family members reading this, thanks.  Happy New Year!

GODZIRRA WISH YOU HAPPY HORIDAY!